journal

likeamovie @ 2009-10-17T23:14:00

2009-10-18T06:14:24Z

friends only.

likeamovie @ 2009-10-14T20:19:00

2009-10-15T03:30:52Z

four years ago i began dating someone who verbally abused me, threw various objects when he was angry with me, threatened to kill me, and then attempted to kill himself.

three years ago this emotionally damaging relationship finally came to an end. i moved on with my life and lived happily ever after.

SUDDENLY, my psycho ex is trying to add my poor mother on facebook!

WHAT THE HELL?

rain rain go away.

2009-10-13T20:55:22Z

it's the first gloomy day since i moved to california three weeks ago, and i'm bored out of my mind. so far today i have: gone to an interview, loaded the dishwasher, paid a couple bills, made a collage, stitched up a jacket, taken a shower, gotten the mail, spent hours on facebook, and ate an entire can of tomato soup + two peanut butter sandwiches in one sitting.

he always knows how to read my mind!

you wish you all could be california girls.

2009-10-05T17:09:47Z

i haven't updated in over a month. i've just been so busy i haven't even thought about updating. livejournal is definitely the farthest thing from my mind. but because i'm a narcissist and i like to think that everyone wants to know what's going on, i'll blab about it.

as you may know, my boyfriend moved to los angeles in may to pursue his dream of being a comedy writer. a couple weeks ago, i came out here myself. and let me tell you, everything you've ever heard about LA is probably true. yes, it is sunny & beautiful everyday. yes, everyone speaks spanish. yes, there is a starbucks or a coffee bean on every corner (sometimes both). yes, you will see at least one red carpet pouring out of the front door of a theatre every time you go out. and yes, it is like a constant vacation.

even though zach & i are broke, have to share a car with each other and a bathroom with two others, we know we've made the right decision. this is where he's meant to be and i'm the happiest i've ever been.

now i just need to find a job.

from this day forward...

2009-09-04T23:02:26Z

+ i will not hold grudges. i will love everyone around me, even if they've made me cry. even if they've made me cry five times or ten. i will forgive. i will not hold what they do against them. none of us are perfect. this includes fake friends. this includes boys that broke my heart. this includes my parents. this includes strangers, neighbors, teachers, dance instructors. this includes people that know nothing about me and people that know everything about me.

+ i will love myself. i will appreciate what my body, mind, and spirit can do for me. i will forgive myself. i will not think that everything is my fault. i will not think that nothing is my fault. i will do my best and be proud of my efforts.

+ i will turn to God. whether i am happy, angry, or sad i will remind myself that He is there. i cannot give up on Him, no matter what comes my way.

skinny betches.

2009-09-02T06:06:44Z

maybe it's because i'm on my period + hung over + cranky.

but honestly, people like this make me sick.

she was made fun of? really?!
if anyone teased her, it was probably because they were jealous.

girls everywhere, right now, are puking their guts out and/or starving themselves to look like this.

sorry, but i can't feel sorry for her.

i thought we'd keep our veins tangled like a pair of mic cables

2009-08-29T00:02:10Z

it's nice to have a moment alone.

as you may know, i moved back in with my family a few weeks ago. i am constantly surrounded by a mother, father, 19-year-old sister, 13-year-old brother, and 9-year-old dog. i love them dearly, but seeing as i haven't technically lived at home in about two years it's a little much. not to mention the fact that i just went on a 5-day vacation to gatlinburg, tennessee with all of them (minus the dog, plus my sister's boyfriend, plus my grandmother and aunt). i feel at peace sitting in my pretty pink room in the basement by myself.

just in case you couldn't tell from the trip photos -- i made a drastic hair change (again). i can't afford to spend $30-60 every 3-4 weeks to get my roots done, so i'm back to a nice natural brown. i'm unfortunately no longer a sassy blonde, but at least i can take advantage of the fact that i look smarter now for interviews. speaking of which, i have TWO set up for when i move out to LA in addition to the one i already had with trader media. these new ones will be with LA sports marketing and california marketing team. wish me luck.

& one last thing -- september is going to be amazing. road trip to visit all my friends @ college, zach's birthday, andrew & amanda's wedding, moving across the country. yesss :)

likeamovie @ 2009-08-22T12:38:00

2009-08-22T16:40:47Z

"sometimes i think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid. like you don't matter. so, i'm eight... and i have these toys, these dolls. my favorite is this ugly girl doll who i call clementine. and i keep yelling at her: 'you can't be ugly! be pretty!' it's weird. like if i can transform her, i would magically change too."

"you're pretty."

"joely, don't ever leave me..."

so stay there because i'll be coming over while our blood's still young

2009-08-18T18:59:29Z

i moved back in with my parents 3 days ago.

2009-08-10T15:02:45Z

in order for you to truly understand the importance of this, a little background information on my former living arrangements is needed.

june 2005 - august 2006: after graduating from high school in june, i decided to attend oakland university. i decided upon this college due to the fact that it (a) was close to home and (b) had a good theatre program. at the time, i was planning on becoming a world-famous broadway superstar. i lived with my parents and commuted. it wasn't a bad drive when the weather was okay, but michigan being michigan, the weather was awful 99% of the time. this increased my driving time from about 25 minutes one way to 45. being a commuter made it hard to find friends, let alone a boyfriend (i ended up dating someone i had met on myspace). i also grew to despise the area; i took a part-time job at victoria's secret near the school and had to deal with the rich bitches of rochester hills. one year was one too much.

september 2006 - april 2007: during my year at oakland, i visited various universities throughout michigan to see where i would be most keen on transferring to. i went to grand valley numerous times to visit two of my best friends, katie and malorie. i fell in love with the green landscape, the tight community, and the artsy feel of grand rapids. i quickly sent in the proper paperwork, but i was not quick enough: all on-campus housing was already full. while at orientation, i met a girl who needed someone to replace her in an off-campus apartment she could no longer afford. i jumped at the chance and ended up living with two girls i did not know, and having to share a bedroom with one of them. i was excited to meet new people, but the situation did not work out as well as i had hoped. by the end of the school year, i had only hung out with anna once, and jessica never. jessica was the one i had shared a room with, so it was a little depressing when i realized that april was coming around and i knew nothing about the girl i slept 5 feet away from.

may 2007 - august 2007: i moved back in with my parents for the summer and it was insanity. i worked two retail jobs and used most of my money to go out & party with old friends. it was incredibly fun, but wreaked havoc on some of my relationships. during my first year at grand valley, i had had a long-distance relationship with a boy in my group of friends and we ended up breaking up as soon as i moved home. this, too, did not help the group dynamic. however, i still think moving home was the best thing for me that year. after not meeting many people at my new school, i needed a few months with old friends that i knew loved me as much as i loved them. plus, it was wonderful living with my parents, sister, & brother during my first big breakup; they were supportive of me wholeheartedly. needless to say, the good outweighed the bad that summer.

september 2007 - april 2008: i moved in with katie & malorie for my second year at grand valley. we lived in a four-bedroom apartment with one other girl named kristin (a good friend of malorie). most people say that living with your best friends can damage your relationships and it usually turns out bad, but honestly -- it was the best decision i could have made. i had so much fun with those girls! there was always someone to talk to and i never felt alone. of course, it wasn't perfect, but it was better than i could have imagined. there were countless nights when malorie & i would walk around the apartment complexes and crash parties, not to mention all the times that katie & i would get into deep discussions and cry together. this was also the year that i met zach (my boyfriend of one year + three months). at the beginning, when we were "just friends", he knew i was sick at home one night and brought me tea. after he left, malorie looked at me with eyebrows raised and simply said, "he's cute." moments like that wouldn't have existed if i hadn't made the choice to live with my BFFs.

may 2008 - april 2009: i decided not to spend the summer at home and moved into a two-bedroom apartment with a lease that would last me until graduation. malorie took the other bedroom, and let me tell you -- even though it was fun living with 3 girls, it's a lot easier living with 1. if we had a problem we had to just tell each other straight-up because there was no one else around to gossip about it with. anyway, that may have been the best summer of my life. malorie, zach, & i hung out together all the time and called each other "the three musketeers". we went to the beach numerous times, spent the fourth of july together, and drank way too much. come fall, malorie moved in with someone else and her sister michelle took her spot in the apartment. michelle is two years younger than me, but you wouldn't know it. we got along so well... i honestly can't think of a time we got into a fight. we both had boyfriends, and when we weren't with them we were with each other. it was an awesome situation.

may 2009 - july 2009: i wanted to stay at school the summer after graduation because i just wasn't ready to let GVSU go. i subleased from someone in a four-bedroom apartment, katie took another bedroom, and it was just us for the majority of the summer. during the school year, i had started working at ann taylor and i decided to stick with that. i also had an internship going with an independent publishing company, and after being with them for 12 weeks i started to get paid. working two jobs was great; i was constantly busy and felt that i was actually being productive. zach moved to LA in may so he wasn't around for the summer, but i still managed to have fun. katie was new-ish-ly single and the two of us hung out 24/7. i also hung out with various other people from work, internships, classes, zach's group of friends, etc. when my sublease ended, i moved back home.

...and here we are. i'm having a hard time adjusting to being here again. it's not that i don't love my family or the friends that live around here, but i'm not used to it anymore. since i haven't really lived here in two years, i'm working on cleaning my room from top to bottom. it honestly hasn't changed since 2005. my bulletin board still has friends' senior pictures covering it and half the clothes in my closet don't fit. i've been organizing and condensing my belongings since my first night back here and it's still not done! fortunately my family is having a garage sale next month, so i'm going to be able to make money off all my old crap.

so that's that. if anyone actually read all this, i salute you.

monthly, starting in november.

2009-08-03T19:43:08Z

rent: $410
car payment: $225
insurance: $100
student loan: $188.34

i feel like a real adult now.

perfection.

2009-07-31T01:25:01Z

summary of life c/o myspace + facebook

2009-07-20T15:30:11Z

i could just write about all this, but i am way too lazy. sorry.

my boyfriend makes me laugh every day.

and the answer to shauna's question:

now it's time to pack. :)

movie night w/ the roomie.

2009-07-17T03:04:16Z

ser⋅en⋅dip⋅i⋅ty –noun
an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

since i have some free time (as much as i don't want it) ...

2009-07-08T13:38:00Z

i realize (a) i haven't posted photos in awhile, and (b) i have a few new lj-buddies that need to be informed of my life (as unimportant as it may be). so

first of all, i have a boyfriend. and he's fantastic.

May 2008

July 2008

August 2008

May 2009

his name is zach and as of today we've been together for 1 year + 2 months. 7 weeks ago, i helped him move out to los angeles to follow his dreams of writing for movies/TV. i'm used to seeing him every day so i miss him terribly. usually when i write in here, it's about him. in two weeks, i'm going to visit him. in two months, i'm going to move out there myself.

secondly, i have a roommate. she's pretty cool too.

her name is katie and i've known her for 10+ years. we went to elementary school, middle school, high school, and then college together. she's one of the sweetest people you'll ever come across, but sometimes she needs a little help breaking out of her shell... which is why i'm here. she's single, and usually when we go out i manage to hook her up with someone. we make a good pair, to say the least.

next: the fam.

i have lovely parents, a 19-year-old sister elizabeth, and a 13-year-old brother aaron. (i'm 22, for those of you that don't know.) i love my family dearly. i talk to my mom every single day and i tell my sister everything. i'm fortunate to have such a wonderful support system. however, my parents are conservative with their views and my dad is overprotective when it comes to boys. but he wouldn't be a good dad if he wasn't, correct? oh, i almost forgot about the bobcat (AKA babcia, AKA grandma, AKA my mom's mom). she's 100% polish and 200% badass. once in awhile she'll live with my family for a few months. she's a wanderer.

you now know about the people in my life; here's what i do with my life.

i have two part-time jobs, and between them both i manage to work 30-40 hours per week. at $8/hr, i'm barely able to pay the bills, but it's something. ah, the life of a college grad. i work retail for an incredible, sophisticated brand called ann taylor (READ: i get paid to try on & talk about clothes), and i'm an assistant at a publishing company called RDR books (READ: i get paid to manage a facebook page, plan events, talk on the phone, email people, and file papers). the gigs ain't bad, and overall... i love working! (i also had a internship with a broadcasting company, but that recently ended due to my busy schedule & lack of funds.)

in addition to being a workaholic, i'm also a shopaholic. this is a recent addiction thanks to my job at the mall and my fashionable roomie. unfortunately, most of my clothes end up on the floor. i'd like to blame my small townhouse closet, but it's really simple laziness.

i also like to read, see movies, go to concerts, work out, and bake cakes. but those need no explanation. in my spare time, i'm applying for "real" jobs and selling my belongings.

.

haha awesome.

2009-07-05T03:33:51Z

excerpt from my news feed:

i love when the 'book does stuff like that.

happy fourth everybody!

likeamovie @ 2009-07-03T11:37:00

2009-07-03T15:37:50Z

today my dad told me, "it's better to marry than to burn."

likeamovie @ 2009-07-02T15:51:00

2009-07-02T19:53:16Z

it's stories like this that make it hard for me to have faith in people.

i am obsessed. OBSESSED!

2009-07-01T04:58:21Z

i'm planning out the day to a tee.

i pretty much already know what i'm wearing.

okay, i really need to go to bed now. i worked 10 hours today. mmm, money. :)

6 weeks down; 3 to go.

2009-06-28T17:18:36Z

this is only temporary

2009-06-26T05:27:28Z

i hate crying. i hate feeling like my hard work goes to waste. i hate living pointlessly. i hate being stuck. i hate that everyone keeps asking me if i'm getting married. i hate feeling sick to my stomach. i hate heavy eyelids yet not being able to sleep. i hate my thighs. i hate pretend friends. i hate being stressed and unhappy and i hate hating life. #$%&

10 things to accomplish within the next 20 years.

2009-06-21T20:52:16Z

1) publish a novel

2) write, produce, & direct a screenplay

3) go on a mission trip every 3 years

4) learn polish, then stay in poland for a month

5) learn to cook

6) own & live in a house... by myself

7) own a cat

8) always incorporate volunteering into my life

9) always be a photographer, whether professionally or personally

10) always be an event planner, whether professionally or personally

screenshotz.

2009-06-14T04:01:56Z

people are going to think my roommate & i are obsessed w/ each other.

also, zach & i have discovered a new way to have fun while 2,000 miles apart.

and, finally:

tell all your friends.

it's a beautiful day.

2009-06-09T22:03:34Z

go outside.

SUMMAH OH N9NE.

2009-06-07T05:57:28Z

i've been feeling compelled lately to discuss what i'm up to this summer, or at least, what i've been doing so far. maybe because i don't have many people to talk to these days, and i feel like talking about myself. isn't that what journals are for? and since i'm too lazy to actually use a pen & paper i'm going to type it. it's 1:30am and i plan on attending church tomorrow morning, but i'm high on caffeine/life so here we go.

basically, i'm working 3 jobs this summer and only being paid for 1.

JOB #1 -- ANN TAYLOR -- $8.00/hr -- 20 hrs/wk
i sell classy businesswear and overpriced casual clothes to the upper crust of metro grand rapids. i love it to death and i wish i got more hours. 20 is what i get on a good week... the average is more like 12. unfortunately, even west michigan's wealthiest bible-belters need to cut back in a recession, causing our available payroll to suffer. the people i work with are all older than me, mature, and downright respectable women. they're role models to me, really (which is totally cheesy & i wouldn't ever tell them that).

JOB #2 -- RDR BOOKS -- UNPAID -- 6 hrs/wk
internships at this independent publishing company, based in muskegon, generally last 12 weeks. i'm currently in week 10, and in a few days i'm meeting with the owner to discuss the possibility of continuing my work for them... which would be paid (cha-ching). i started out back in march doing office/accounting work. fortunately, it's turned into more of a marketing/sales position with the add-on of tutoring in grammar & punctuation. me likey.

JOB #3 -- REGENT BROADCASTING -- UNPAID -- 10 hrs/wk
regent owns a number of grand rapids radio stations including w-lite, wgrd, and the river. i was psyched to become part of their promotions intern team a couple weeks ago. unfortunately i feel like i'm doing odd jobs around the office more than learning anything, plus it's a pain in the rear to have to pay $6 for parking every time i drive down there. i was contemplating quitting until today, when i got to attend my first event: the west michigan mom's sale, a huge garage sale for past moms to pass down their grimy old baby things to new ones. witnessing the impatience and bitterness of these tired, cranky mothers dragging tired, cranky children by their slime-covered fingers (or their fuzzy leashes -- seriously) was too satisfying to pass up. if i can spend every saturday people-watching in exchange for a new addition to my resume, i'm staying!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

there's a few other things i'm doing this summer. or at least attempting to.

* read more books. or at least finish the ones i've started. (harry potter, one for the money, captivating, and what's so amazing about grace? to name a few.)
* work out.
* eat better.
* keep the homestead clean.
* save money.
* figure out what i'm doing with my life. !

& lots more that i can't think of right now. i'm trying to stay busy; i hate feeling unproductive.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

PS: i did end up getting my degree. praise jesus. i love that the communications department has communication issues with the auditors causing them to not know that i completed my major. HELLO?!